Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Gift of a Great Big Bleeding Heart

Word Nerd saves the day! I had been trying to bludgeon a post into submission for the better part of the afternoon when I decided to take five. Bloodied, winded and growling, I thought it best to put down the baseball bat and instead check and see what nice things people had to say today. Lo and behold, what should I find but an award and the whisper of a promise about cookies from the lovely Word Nerd. She speaks, you know. She speaks so touchingly, so eloquently, so hilariously about things (quite literally) from A to Z that I am quite honored to have been included in her list of people of whom she has requested 7 things. I feel like I've been asked to sit at the popular table. And quite a table it is. Go check out her list. Fabulousness abounds.

So, it's the Tell Me More About Yourself Award, wherein I will divulge 7 things about myself and then choose 15 other people to tag. (Can I just say that if this were taking place in, say..., a bar? Would not be the same sort of honor. Nevertheless, I digress.) So lucky for you, my merry band of faithful readers, the very post I had been kicking around with steel toed boots earlier was rather a twaddly self-reflective one and it was almost as if I was preparing for this very moment.

1. I anthropomorphize things often and with reckless abandon. Not just in my writing, but in my everyday life. It helps me get things done if I think of it as hanging out with a friend or vanquishing a foe. Just yesterday, in fact, my jBird, ever literal, asked me: "Why do you keep referring to the marshmallows as 'he' and 'she'?" Why? So that we will be gentle with them, of course.

2. I have always wanted to be interviewed by Charlie Rose. Not for anything in particular, just kind of to sit and shoot the breeze with him. Kind of like a Charlie Rose Tell Me More About Yourself Award. I don't just want him to interview me. I want him to think that I am intelligent and witty. I also want to say something in the course of the interview that would cause him to either do a spit-take with his water or let loose a great big snorty belly laugh. Preferably both.

3. I'm not terribly vain (or maybe I'm so horrifically vain that I feign not to care) but I am still a girl. So when, a few months ago, the young man at the deli counter in the grocery store elbowed his co-worker and said "You ever watch Weeds?" and then nodded in my direction, I did not leap over the counter and kiss him on the mouth like I wanted to. Instead, I left my shopping basket in the middle of the store, ran out to the car and called my husband and screamed: "THE BOY IN THE DELI THINKS I LOOK LIKE MARY-LOUISE PARKER!"  He totally got it. Which leads me to number...

4. My husband was the 9th person to ask me to marry him. He was not my 9th choice. He is my first and only and ever choice. I'm not entirely sure what the other 8 had in mind, but it wasn't me. I had pretty much decided that as far as dating went, it was either settle or abstain. That it was pretty much hopeless to ever think I could connect with anyone in any sort of meaningful and lasting way. Most of my dating consisted of my hiding large swaths of myself for one reason or another and the result being that the boyfriends would fall in love with some other person that they thought was me. Then I would have to break the news to them that no, they had never had full access and I thought they knew that and oh! the crying and the vomiting and the moving out of state and not dating of women any more and the joining of the military. The other half of my dating consisted of men who thought that they knew me pretty well and as one of them said "wanted to tame me." Uh, scary. No. Very scary. So this, my friends, is why my husband is the most amazing man on earth. He caught me off guard and I splashed crazy all over him and not only did he lap it up, he celebrated it, adored it and cherished it and wanted to live with it just as it was for the rest of his life. We've been married 13 and a half years and my mom says we still act like newlyweds. We actually just act like us.

5. You may be wishing Word Nerd didn't include me on her list at this point. I am an avid coffee drinker. I can drink just about anyone under the table when it comes to a steaming hot cup of joe. I take mine straight up, neat. The stronger, the blacker, the better. If you were stuck in the Donner Party with me and were forced to eat my meat, it would taste like Arabica. (It would also probably be a little stringy and need to be marinated first, but I digress.) But on wintry evenings such as tonight, I like to have a cup of tea. I am drinking in Stash Meyer Lemon Herbal and I think I may have inadvertently made it with hot dog water. I'm going to drink the whole cup just to be sure, though.

6. I'm not that great with children. My own are just used to my methods. I try to treat mine as much like little people as I can. So no, not everything they do is fabulous. Sometimes they have bad days. Sometimes they bug the ever-loving crap out of me and I need to walk away. But just like with any strong healthy relationship, there's room for give and take. I'm completely honest with my kids about things including admitting when I am way off base, explaining that sometimes I get scared and confused too, telling them I love them and I am proud of them as often as possible, and giving them a clear idea of what my goals with them are, what their boundaries are and why. I think they deserve that and so far they rise to expectations and far exceed them. I get some flak for my parenting style, but I say the proof is in the pudding.

7. Confession time: I am part of the 1%. No, not that 1%. Would I be sitting here blogging and drinking hot dog lemon tea if I were in that 1%?! No, I am in the 1% of people who, according to the Myers-Briggs personality inventory are categorized as INFJ. I have taken this personality inventory countless times in countless situations and I always end up with the same results. If you really want the skinny on me, click the link and it's a pretty apt description that I didn't write. I am uncomfortable with direct self-disclosure for a lot of reasons. It's a lot more interesting to discover things in the course of discourse over time. Keep reading, friends, and you will know more about me. Because try as I might, I really can't hide my great big bleeding heart.

Word Nerd hogged several of the people that would have topped my list: Masked Mom, Just Jane, The M Half, Kelly... so check them out, too. But maybe not Kelly because she cheated and took my idea of an open award to anyone who cares to read this here blog. Here are some people whose brains I would love to pick for innumerable distinct reasons:
Green Goose
Scary Duck
and I would add Nicole, but she just did the most delightful 100 things about herself the other day. Read that.

And many more, but my 7-year-old laptop is about to create a black hole and disrupt the time-space continuum from the cutting and pasting of links and the Chief Lou is so very patiently waiting for me to watch Season 2 of Torchwood. In all sincerity, I would like to thank each and every person who clicks this way from the bottom of my great big bleeding heart.


  1. Awww... thanks! Now I want to take the Meyer's Briggs and have another cup of coffee.

  2. I anthropomorphize everything too!

    How was the tea made with hot dog water? And how exactly did that happen? lol

  3. Like Jane, I am extremely curious about Hot Dog Lemon tea. Will it be the next flavor sensation?

    Also, the Mary-Louise Parker thing? I think your restraint was VERY admirable. When I was 14, one of my sister's friends (9) at the time told me he thought I looked like Sheena Easton. Despite the fact that I'm pretty sure the only resemblance was short, dark hair, I still work that into any conversation I possibly can. (See?)

  4. @Nicole - you should let me know your letters if you do take the M-B Inventory. It's always fascinating to me.
    @Jane - Yay for animated inanimate objects! And stay tuned re: Hot Dog Tea
    @Masked Mom - I would have killed to look like Sheena Easton when I was 10... work it! My only resemblance to MLP is a crooked mouth and long, dark hair, but a girl can dream...

  5. Tears. Laughing, salty, silly tears. I happen to be sitting in Green Goose's living room watching her decorate her tree. No, I'm not helping. It's not my tree! Green Goose happens to have a blue & gold macaw parrot who talks NONstop. Knowing Green Goose is busy tree-ing, I read her your post, laughing and clapping at all the right places. This excited the macaw to no end and there was much squawking and noise making on his part.

    But, I digress.

    I can't even remember what I was going to say, so I'll have to scroll up and read again, without the macaw interrupting.

  6. Wow, my sister and I were just talking about Mary Louise and how Season 1 of Weeds made us think we needed an iced mocha every single time we got into the car. She is so beautiful!

    I'm an INFP. From what I understand we are rare birds too and you and I should not make decisions together? Surely it couldn't be that bad.

  7. I also anthropomorphize everything. One thing I deleted from my list of 7 things is how I've named every car I have owned. Currently driving me around town is Phoebe the Prius. I love her.

    Green Goose and I have decided that there needs to be a writing prompt that starts with "If you were stuck in the Donner Party with me and were forced to eat my meat, it would taste like ..." (hers, also coffee. Mine, probably cheese. ;-))

  8. @Vesuvius - Oh I know!! Weeds has the same effect on me! It also makes me want to do more ab work. As for the INFP/J thing - as long as our gut instincts were headed in the same direction we'd be OK, right?

    @M - I definitely need a macaw to ride around on my shoulder. It could make small talk for me. I did a whole post on another blog about what flavor your meat would be if your friends had to eat you. I should dig it up. We can have a little cannibalistic writer's workshop.

  9. cannibals' writers' workshop: please include me.

  10. @Green Goose - I will keep you posted.

  11. What? I didn't realize that I was on the list. I was reading this post at work when you first posted and I had put-off clicking the links until later, and now it's later and I see that I'm on there... *blush*, off to formulate a post about myself...


Thanks for reading and taking the time to say hello!