Thursday, January 12, 2012

Even A Good Melon Has A Soft Spot

The Chief Lou and I married young and quickly. It's not a course of action I would recommend in general, but like that old lady says in When Harry Met Sally "sometimes you just know. Like you know about a good melon." He's my good melon. But there were a few things that we didn't get the chance to discuss before the big day where we vowed before God and everybody to spend the rest of our lives together. We agreed on all of the big things: God, politics and coffee. We reached an amiable compromise on some other important things: Top Five Greatest Movies, Bands, and Songs. And it just seemed like all the rest would work itself out.

I mean, how do you work it into a lovey-dovey, dating, I want to spend the rest of my life gazing into your eyes type conversation that you may or may not, hypothetically speaking of course, have a deep and abiding love of legumes? When he pledged the whole "until death do us part" thing, I don't think he ever realized that death could come silently and soon from the Dutch Oven of Doom.

While writing each other the poetry of the gods about how the moon is only shining because of the reflected light of her handsome sun, it's tricky to slip in a stanza or two about how the moon never cleans out the car or takes it for an oil change and it's not a moral failing, per se, it's just that the moon gets so busy with the other things she's got going on, like seeing if she can make green bean pâté that tastes just like the real thing only vegetarian.


And it's a known fact that while dating you will sit through any movie if it gives you the opportunity to snog with your beloved, but there was no discussion afterward about how we would never, under any circumstances withstand the sheer cinematic torture that is Highlander, no matter how brilliant and underrated you think it is and if you want to watch a movie with a Scotsman in it, any and all of the Ewan McGregor ouevre are not only perfectly acceptable, but mandatory at regular intervals, yes even the one where he's a crooked stock trader and pukes all over a fancy dress party. There's just no time, what with all the goo-goo eyes and making out.

One of the biggest things that the Chief Lou learned about me after we got married is that I may or may not be a bit of a hippie. Not a mall hippie who's in it for the fashion statement. I have no peace sign necklace from Claire's Boutique and while I do enjoy tie dye, patchouli, and batik, I indulge only in moderation. More of a mental hippie, which I think he may have confused with being the same as his ultra-liberal progressive politics with a button-down collar. He had a few discoveries in store for him.


A few months after we got married I gave him a Grateful Dead sticker to show him how awesome we were. It was two of those little infectious dancing bears and it said "A Rare and Different Tune". I thought it summed us up exactly. It never went on the car, although he did appreciate the sentiment. I think I still have it in a drawer someplace.


I had the rare treat one time of witnessing my Texas boy's full range of facial expressions - from jubilant joy to the depths of despair - in the space of the few seconds it took me to utter the sentence: "I'm making chicken fried steak for dinner. I found these breaded meatless 'beef' patties at the grocery store today!"


By the time the kids came along, he was amenable to breast feeding (not that this is a particularly "hippie" activity, he'd just never seen it before), baby wearing, co-sleeping and cloth diapering. He just took them in stride, embraced them, even advocates for them now. 


He has learned to enjoy TVP tacos, homemade soap and hairy armpits. He knows how to choose batik and incense and the all-natural cosmetic items I like. He patiently washes the handmade reusable sandwich bags we use to pack the kids' lunches. It took a while to get past it, but he accepts that cloth napkins are not just for fancy meals. He understands why I save used envelopes and put stickers over the pertinent parts to reuse them. He even has helped move my collection of salvaged empty jars around the country a few times. He's a patient and tolerant and loving man. He takes my whims in stride and doesn't criticize or complain or, more importantly, say "I told you so" when one of my experiments fails (green bean pâté). But I may have found his breaking point the other day.


Casually, while watching TV: "Hey, you know how when the kids were in diapers and we used those reusable flannel wipes with the tea tree and lavender solution I made?"

Wary, eyes flickering to the side: "Um, yes?"

"Well, I was thinking that maybe since we still have that small diaper pail and reusable liner, we could just put those in the bathroom and...  I'm still trying to figure out how to manage the space issue, but I thought..."

Gulp, deep breath, his voice almost a squeak: "Does this mean you're going to stop buying toilet paper?"

27 comments:

  1. You are so right - sometimes you just know. We are one of those "we just knew" couples, too. We'll be married 25 years this year. We are so different, but so right for each other! Your husband sounds like a keeper, and I wish you two many many more years of love and surprises!!

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    1. I love to hear success stories about other people's marriages, it brings me hope for the world in general. When you know, you know. Why wait?

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  2. Oh I can't believe you posted this. I had this very thought yesterday and I am still trying to figure out how I am going to convince BF to do this... ha!

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    1. If you figure out a way to convince him, please do let me know.

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  3. Oh my. Oooohhh lady... you have made me belly laugh today!
    A. Referring to the moon as feminine and the sun as masculine. Exactly. Thank you.
    B. I had to wean myself off of patchouli once, in a former life.
    C. For years Handsome and I have been known to our friends as Dharma & Greg, do you remember the tv show?
    D. Meatless chicken fried steak and his range of facial expressions... I would pay money to see that short show.

    Sincere congratulations on finding your good melon. May your young beginnings give you an extra decade of loving memories to share in your old age.
    xoxo

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    1. A. What else would they be?
      B. I'm mostly over the habit, too, these days. My nose changed during pregnancy and now it smells kind of like old man B.O. to me.
      C. I remember that show all too well.
      D. It was some amazing facial range. I don't like making grown men cry, though.

      And thank you for the congrats and the well wishes. We both feel like we've won some sort of lottery.

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  4. I loved every bit of this post! I was a bit terrified at the end as well though, I'll admit- I'm with Chief Lou there!

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    1. I am also with Chief Lou and cdnkaro.

      I'm a punk rock, hippie goddess (contradiction? possibly)but even I can't think about reusable bum wipes. EEK!

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  5. This is fabulous. I read it aloud to Hubs and he snickered. He said if I even thought of trying this, he'd list all the ways in which toilet paper is more environmentally friendly than using detergent ... and then I sort of stopped listening. He gets scientificky and loses me at least once a day.

    Moving on. Patchouli - can't handle it. Old men BO, for sure. Old men who've been wearing polyester BO. Eek.

    Other than that, we're a little Dharma & Greg-ish too. Thought not nearly as much as Green Goose and Handsome. Hubs now reads all food labels to ensure he's not bringing HFCS or MSG into the house. He's even stopped rolling his eyes about reusable grocery bags and stopped referring to the Prius as a "golf cart."

    I absolutely love your voice, your style, your love of legumes, and your distance from Austin. :-)

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    1. Hey check it... M Half will happily cart around three people's worth of purchased goods in her skinny girl arms before using a plastic grocery sack! I have seen this. I was humbled.

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    2. But what if you make your own detergent, huh? Then what, J-Half?
      "Old men who've been wearing polyester" is snarf-worthy.
      And Green Goose, that is a feat of strength and womanliness, indeed. I've been caught juggling groceries and it ain't fun.

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  6. I love your mention of TVP. I thought that was just me and the late Linda McCartney. whenever we have a meal that calls for ground beef I halve it and make up the difference with TVP. It's been 12 years and I don't think he's noticed.
    You go girl with the TP.

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    1. That is such a good idea! I usually use all one or the other, but this would stretch everything out a little bit! I'll have to try that next time.

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  7. This post made me think of the first time my twenty-something daughter told me she had decided to start using a diva cup. I had to do a mental triple-take, then go on a paradigm shifting few weeks of thought, and then...I was okay about it. I even admired her. But I also thanked the Lord that I had a hysterectomy, not of my own volition, 10 years ago.

    ~ Red Dirt Kelly
    http://www.reddirtchroncles.com/

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    1. I have looked at those before and must admit that there was a little unwilling paradigm shifting going on. Fortunately I don't have to worry about such things any more, either.

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    2. I have spent the past 30 minutes reading about the diva cup. I'm still in the mental triple-take place.

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  8. Great post!! I laughed out loud at the very end (and hoped that my hotel neighbors weren't startled! ;)

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    1. It would really startle them if you had them over for dinner and there was only reusable toilet paper.

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  9. I feel pretty comfortable with this post. Here on our ridge in NorCal, the characteristics of the environmentally friendly lifestyle come stock with the terrain. Not all of those mentioned, but so many additional ones. Also, Monday marks the 31st anniversary of the first night I took Annie out. We celebrated our 29th in December. It looks as though we lucked out, and our marriage was one of those that "took."

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    1. Congratulations! Hooray for marriages that "take"!

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    2. And also, I'm not convinced there's a whole lot of "luck" involved. Mostly hard work and open hearts, no?

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  10. Haha Looks like you and your hubby have a wonderful relationship! You're so right. Perfection is a fatuous child's dream. There is always give and take. And all those crazy quirks that we think we are merely tolerating become truly endearing when we love

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  11. I agree - it is not about luck. It is about respect, communication, humor, willingness to be flexible, ability to share affection and appreciation, seizing opportunities for play and fun, and taking time for the marriage -- all important and nothing to do with luck. :)

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  12. Hey, he shouldn't knock it until he tries it, right? LOL!

    I love how exciting your relationship still is.....learning new things and all. :-D

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    1. That was my argument, exactly! You don't know, you might like it!
      Thank you for your kind words.

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