Here come the claws. Like in a B werewolf movie, I can feel the wiry hairs sprouting on my knuckles. I have hackles and they are raised. This is not a comfortable state for me to be in. My general M.O. is to mind my own business, but sometimes I feel the need to give somebody the business.
Having just blogged about the First Amendment - using "blogged" in the loosest sense of the term, more like cutting and pasting - I will be the first to stand up and defend anyone's right to write or say or do whatever they want to. I also will defend my right to say Back. That. Truck. Up!
1st Truck that Must Back Up: Stop calling every parenting style with which you don't agree "abuse". Regrettably and horrifyingly, real abuse does exist in this world. There are families who are subjected to demeaning, hurtful, damaging, and sometimes even fatal atrocities at the hand of a parent. If that's what you're talking about, call Child Protective Services, don't blog about it. If by "abuse" you mean: setting boundaries, not setting boundaries, watching TV, watching the wrong sort of TV, eating at McDonald's, eating meat, not eating meat, going to public school, homeschooling, buying toys they like, not buying toys they like, making them do chores, not making them do chores, admitting that they get on your nerves, being stressed, disciplining, not disciplining, wearing pants, cutting their hair, or any other random thing you've taken against, cut it out. For every post that I read that some smug know-it-all rails against the "abuse" they witness other parents doing, I read five more written by honest, hardworking mothers who are doing the very best they can day after day through all sorts of circumstances and instead of going to bed at night feeling like they've accomplished something, they feel guilty. Like they don't measure up. You know why that is? Because the honest ones among us realize that sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes our human nature gets the better of us, sometimes we are not as good a parent as we'd like to be or as we know how to be. And then some jerk comes along and proclaims that yes, indeed, you are doing it all wrong and let me tell you how. Back that truck up. If you have parenting all figured out and you never get tired and you never do or say things you regret and you always make the very wisest choice in every situation in your life and your poop smells like roses, keep it to yourself and your little padded cell in Wonderland.
2nd Truck that Must Back Up: Everyone around me must, right now, quit saying the following: Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, any combination of the words think and box, the phrase "everything in moderation" about anything at all, the sage wisdom "everything happens for a reason", "now more than ever", "let's roll" and probably some others but I can't think of them right now. The English language is rich and beautiful and has stolen so many words from other languages that it's now the boss of all languages. Let's air out some new phrases, shall we?
3rd Truck that Must Back Up: Stop calling everyone with whom you disagree politically a Nazi. It's rude and displays a shocking lack of historical perspective. If they are marching crowds of human beings to mass execution, then OK. If they are a feminist or a Republican or a great big blow-hard or just someone you don't like, find another word. There are concentration camp survivors still walking around and it's disrespectful to them for you to even compare your petty political complaints to such horrors.
4th Truck that Must Back Up: Stop being offended when someone offers you a kindness. I am so liberal I'm looking at Socialism in my rear view mirror, but part of my libertine ways is to treat all people equally. So if you're old or female or male or trans-gendered or a kid or whatever I will treat you with kindness. That means I will hold the door for you if you are a few feet behind me, I will offer to let you cut in line if I have a giant cart-load of groceries and two kids and you have only a few items, I will pick up something you've dropped and hand it to you, I will offer you my seat on the bus if you look tired and whatever else it may strike me to do to try to make your day a little easier. Looking startled and refusing doesn't make you liberated, it makes you rude.
5th Truck that Must Back Up: Me. I'm in a bit of a snit.
My darling readers, I started this blog as a means of expression for mostly me. I never really imagined that other people would read it, much less like it. I'd hoped, you know, or else I wouldn't have published it. But I get such positive, yummy vibes from all of you every day and now it has transformed a bit with the consciousness that others are reading. Don't take my ranting personally, please. It's just a little tantrum. It's also in response to the GBE2 prompt this week: Pet Peeves. Wow, I needed that.
Having just blogged about the First Amendment - using "blogged" in the loosest sense of the term, more like cutting and pasting - I will be the first to stand up and defend anyone's right to write or say or do whatever they want to. I also will defend my right to say Back. That. Truck. Up!
1st Truck that Must Back Up: Stop calling every parenting style with which you don't agree "abuse". Regrettably and horrifyingly, real abuse does exist in this world. There are families who are subjected to demeaning, hurtful, damaging, and sometimes even fatal atrocities at the hand of a parent. If that's what you're talking about, call Child Protective Services, don't blog about it. If by "abuse" you mean: setting boundaries, not setting boundaries, watching TV, watching the wrong sort of TV, eating at McDonald's, eating meat, not eating meat, going to public school, homeschooling, buying toys they like, not buying toys they like, making them do chores, not making them do chores, admitting that they get on your nerves, being stressed, disciplining, not disciplining, wearing pants, cutting their hair, or any other random thing you've taken against, cut it out. For every post that I read that some smug know-it-all rails against the "abuse" they witness other parents doing, I read five more written by honest, hardworking mothers who are doing the very best they can day after day through all sorts of circumstances and instead of going to bed at night feeling like they've accomplished something, they feel guilty. Like they don't measure up. You know why that is? Because the honest ones among us realize that sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes our human nature gets the better of us, sometimes we are not as good a parent as we'd like to be or as we know how to be. And then some jerk comes along and proclaims that yes, indeed, you are doing it all wrong and let me tell you how. Back that truck up. If you have parenting all figured out and you never get tired and you never do or say things you regret and you always make the very wisest choice in every situation in your life and your poop smells like roses, keep it to yourself and your little padded cell in Wonderland.
2nd Truck that Must Back Up: Everyone around me must, right now, quit saying the following: Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, any combination of the words think and box, the phrase "everything in moderation" about anything at all, the sage wisdom "everything happens for a reason", "now more than ever", "let's roll" and probably some others but I can't think of them right now. The English language is rich and beautiful and has stolen so many words from other languages that it's now the boss of all languages. Let's air out some new phrases, shall we?
3rd Truck that Must Back Up: Stop calling everyone with whom you disagree politically a Nazi. It's rude and displays a shocking lack of historical perspective. If they are marching crowds of human beings to mass execution, then OK. If they are a feminist or a Republican or a great big blow-hard or just someone you don't like, find another word. There are concentration camp survivors still walking around and it's disrespectful to them for you to even compare your petty political complaints to such horrors.
4th Truck that Must Back Up: Stop being offended when someone offers you a kindness. I am so liberal I'm looking at Socialism in my rear view mirror, but part of my libertine ways is to treat all people equally. So if you're old or female or male or trans-gendered or a kid or whatever I will treat you with kindness. That means I will hold the door for you if you are a few feet behind me, I will offer to let you cut in line if I have a giant cart-load of groceries and two kids and you have only a few items, I will pick up something you've dropped and hand it to you, I will offer you my seat on the bus if you look tired and whatever else it may strike me to do to try to make your day a little easier. Looking startled and refusing doesn't make you liberated, it makes you rude.
5th Truck that Must Back Up: Me. I'm in a bit of a snit.
My darling readers, I started this blog as a means of expression for mostly me. I never really imagined that other people would read it, much less like it. I'd hoped, you know, or else I wouldn't have published it. But I get such positive, yummy vibes from all of you every day and now it has transformed a bit with the consciousness that others are reading. Don't take my ranting personally, please. It's just a little tantrum. It's also in response to the GBE2 prompt this week: Pet Peeves. Wow, I needed that.
Hi!I got a good WordVeri to go with your dose of Snowmagedon: trapser
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful weekend. If you happen to see my son, say hi for me. Of course you don't know what he looks like but if you randomly say hi to 3,500 people per day over the next 14 months there is a high probability (62.5%) that you might see him.
[The answer to your question is No, I didn't reaLLy do the math, I just guessed because it is late at night and I'm tired. But I s'ppose I could do a statistical study to see what would happen with a 3,500 greets per day over a 14 month period for your metropolitan area. Now I'm curious.]
You can do that math and I'll just keep saying hi to strangers.
DeleteNumber three is a huge one. I don't know how people get away with that in casual conversation. Maybe Seinfeld's "Soup Nazi" broke the ice, as it was coming from a Jewish man?
ReplyDeleteA good and valid rant piece. I will still appreciate "winning". It still cracks me up, as I never remember to use it, but love it when others do.
Thank you for validating my ranting. It's an uncomfortable thing for me. I'm terribly opinionated about a good many things and always try to measure it with trying to see from the perspectives of others. Sometimes I just need to let it out.
DeleteI never thought about the Seinfeld/Soup Nazi connection before. Perhaps that's the source. Or the more insidious Rush Limbaugh "feminazi" nonsense.
I would add "urban flooding" to truck number 2. It suddenly is the word of the day for the news!
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteThis is awesome and will likely prompt a lengthier response from me. Truth is, the response is already started in my head but so are a thousand other responses. :)
ReplyDeleteAs you might have guessed, your first rant really resonated with me. I have to comply as a mandated reporter way too often in cases of real abuse and neglect. I also have to reassure many other parents that they are doing the best they can (particularly when faced with economic hardship and tough decisions). There are often times, as well, when I really do have to say to parents, "Look,, this parenting thing is hard work and NO ONE is going to be perfect at it. DO the best you can and cut yourself some slack. Both you and your child will be happier if you do that." The drive to be perfect is fueled by so much in the affluent parts of our culture.
Right on with the Nazi comment.
And so right on with the kindness portion of the rant. Treat everyone with kindness and respect. How hard is that? Tough on some days, yes, and tougher when someone acts offended when all you were doing was acting with kindness. Admittedly, that doesn't often happen. Most of the time, people seem appreciative of the little kindnesses and I find that one kindness extended tends to have that ripple effect. Except when it is squelched.
Re: abuse: I think a lot of people are sheltered from the perspective gained from actually witnessing abuse or the results there-of. Before I had my monkeys I worked with the mentally ill and so many of them were victims of such heinous abuse. I think a lot of people don't realize just how bad it can be. In some ways maybe it's a good thing if the worst thing someone can think of is a child eating candy for breakfast.
DeleteRe: kindness: I, too, mostly encounter very kind and wonderful people. I think that's what makes the others stand out more.
I love you more with every word. Your "rant" has put into words several of my own annoyances, and your eloquence has just about prompted me to close up my own little web-space and just luxuriate in yours.
ReplyDeleteI'd never considered the survivors of the Holocaust when I've felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when someone gets to calling someone else a Nazi. I knew it was wrong, and know I feel a much heavier "connection," though not a connection, if that makes any sense. I'm far too removed from WWII to really have a connection other than in the words of others.
Of course, now, more than ever, I understand the need to think outside the box. To realize that everything happens for a reason, and as long as I practice moderation in all forms, I will not succumb to the Snowpocalypse. So, let's roll.
You are very fortunate that you live 2000+ miles away from me. Just saying.
DeleteDon't close up your corner of the interwebs. Nobody wants that.
Oh, and I'm nice too. I like to hold open doors, to pick things up, to offer assistance. I don't expect anything in return, but brief eye contact and a smile would be nice.
ReplyDeleteSo's your face.
DeleteI think a catharsis rant against any of the above is not only well-founded but helpful. For example, in the #1 area, I teach in the human development and family science area. I have conditioned myself to be so protective of my "go off on them right now; go off big time..." feelings, that I now ignore and gloss over anything having to do with parenting. It's like I have parenting post PTSD. I literally feel emotionally reactive when I see headlines, comments or any of that crap you just listed, so I withdraw and hide. I have not yet ranted. I think because I wasn't sure where to do it. So your articulation of that helped me and I truly thank you.
ReplyDeleteYou are welcome. I stay out of most parenting discussions because I am woefully inexperienced. I appreciate the back-up from someone with both personal and professional experience.
DeleteI also have issues with ranting about parenting, similarly to Red Dirt Kelly. I must confess to having been guilty of some of these, specifically saying "Everything happens for a reason". I know it's cliche, but I also truly believe that, and sometimes, in the moment, it's hard to know what to say. Ya know? Do people say 'snowmageddon' in Seattle? Pshaw, come to northern Canada people!
ReplyDeleteI actually kind of believe that, too. I think you can find a reason in everything, like "I needed to learn..." from this situation or whatever. Like I said, bit of a snit. :)
DeleteAnd we are very hysterical about our snow here. We don't very much, very often and it's kind of a big deal. However, Snowmageddon might be exaggerating a bit.
DeleteWe watch too much TV, eat at McDonalds, I'm wishy-washy on the chores thing and have said, and even blogged about, how my kids sometimes annoy me. Fact is, this is my family and I'm doing the best I can. So, thanks for validating that I'm not being abusive.
ReplyDeleteSame here, Jewels. I would suspect it's the same in a lot more families than people let on. I don't know when parenting became a competitive sport, but it's so damaging.
Delete"Gurl you rant good, won't you back that truck up!!! Your blog's a big fine woman!!"
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs and the warm, solid thinking.
Snits are part of life, no apologizing.
xoxo
Thank YOU for the laugh! And I really apologize for just about everything. It's kind of a default state for me.
DeleteI don't think I can verbally express how much I love your rant. And the phrase "Back that truck up" I'll be implementing it into my vocabulary :). Parenting, kindness and being mindful what we say...All great topics for a rant! No need for an apology.
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
DeleteI absolutely adore you and I think you've just earned the right to write the official how-to life handbook. Wait. I think you already did. Be kind and be gracious about accepting the kindness of others. Yep, That would do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm beyond delighted that you wrote a GBE post! Happy, happy, happy, me, me, me.
Thank you, you are so very kind. I am laughing trying to imagine what a how-to life handbook written by yours truly would read.
DeleteI completely identify with #4! Usually I just tell people I'm hangin' out in the 3rd quadrant (political compass reference) with Gandhi. I try to be kind always and I'm always a little perplexed at how someone can refuse a kindness when it's offered freely and with no obligation.
ReplyDeletePerplexing, indeed. I don't do kind things for people for any sort of recognition or reciprocation, but it is sad to me that some people are so guarded that they find random kindness suspicious.
DeleteThere's nothing quite as a cleansing as a good rant, is there? And totally with you on the #1 thing especially. I actually wrote a post a few years ago about the vehehmence of the judgments we make against other parents having its foundations in our own insecurities. If we are confident in our own decisions, we will have no trouble with decisions (that don't actively threaten the safety of children) other people make. I completely stand behind that assessment and work really hard at not letting my own insecurities get the better of me in that way. (Of course, I'm knocked upside the head by my insecurities in a bazillion other ways...but that's a story for a different day.)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the insecurity thing. I'd love to read that post sometime. Drop me the link when you get a chance.
DeleteI'm glad you wrote this post. I really am. I'm totally in that space where I'm figuring out where I stand because my blog (and my relationship with blogging) has transformed now that I know other people are reading it (and I know the people who are reading it). It's easier to write for strangers sometimes. I've been increasingly self-conscious about my writing lately. Some days it's crippling. But other times I just hit publish and I'm glad I did. I wrote a post about judgmental parenting a while back and I almost didn't publish it. I sat on it for a month and when I did I was shocked at the response. Anyhow, keep writing what you want to write. I love reading it!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the crippling self-consciousness. Keep writing, it's delightful to read and no one has your voice but you, right? Says me. I, too, have a truckload of posts hanging out in draft form that I'm too chicken to publish. But, considering a few months ago, I was too chicken to publish anything at all, I think maybe we'll get past it? Thank you for your encouragement and for stopping by!
Delete