Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Davids Are In Collusion Against Me

I have been singing this Bruce McCulloch song in my head for the past couple of days to keep myself from curling into the fetal position and sucking my thumb. I'm not a superstitious person. I'm not even sure what all of the superstitions are. Knocking wood, hat on the bed, salt over the shoulder, something to do with ladders and cats and stuff. I didn't realize this past Friday was the 13th until I sat down and did the painstaking calendar math involved in counting the number of days it has been since the Chief Lou's birthday, trying to figure out what day that was and then trying to figure out what the current day is. I'm chronologically challenged that way. So, on Friday the 13th, the Chief Lou and I sat down to movie night and a cozy fire and I really haven't been the same since. Not being superstitious, I refuse to believe the date on the calendar has much to do with it, but I'll let you be the judge.

The Blue Velvet Chronicles:

Sometime in 1991 - My friend (who was so not my boyfriend, why would you even say that?!) and I went to our friend Mandy's house to watch a movie with her and her boyfriend, Dave. My friend (who was positively not my boyfriend and whose middle name is David) was way into Twin Peaks, so he thought it would be wise do delve deeper into David Lynch's work and brought over Blue Velvet for our viewing pleasure. While being as jaded and worldly-wise as all 16-year-old girls are, I was actually pretty sheltered and naive. For years I remembered very little about the movie except a pervasive, shuddering ick.

June, 1992 - Senior prom. My friend (still not my boyfriend, folks!) and best girlfriend from high school (whose dad's name is David) share the first slow dance of the evening. Friend-not-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to request Blue Velvet for the first slow dance. I remember very little about the experience except feeling like it was, perhaps, icky and being impatient for Tainted Love to come on.

January, 1998 - I take an abnormal psychology class with a man (named David) who would become my favorite professor. In the first few days of the class, the professor discusses his early experiences with Freudian psychoanalysis. Apparently his analyst was a bit on the strange side and his entire office - walls, proverbial couch, everything - is covered in blue velvet. The professor says this with a tangible shiver and easily segues into David Lynch cinematography as an aside.

July, 1998 - My wedding day. My "something blue" is a pair of blue velvet underwear. My maid of honor (sister) tells my matron of honor (best girlfriend from high school) who tells her husband who casually mentions it in nervous conversation with my future sister-in-law's boyfriend, who immediately tells my future sister-in-law, who tells... well, really, everyone (she's a one-woman broadcasting network, that one) including our extremely strange and high violinist who agrees with Chief Lou's aunt that it would be an absolute gas to play a rendition of Blue Velvet on the violin and harp as our first dance at the reception. (Sound impossible? I have it on video somewhere.)

Sometime in 1999 - We finally decide on curtains for our bedroom and purchase them on sale at TJMaxx. They are a gorgeous navy blue velvet. This coincides with my taking another class from Favorite Professor David and a repetition of creepy blue velvet analysis couch story. F.P. David finds it curious and entertaining that our new drapes are made of the portent-laden fabric.

July 3, 1999 - The Chief Lou sends me a dozen long-stemmed roses at work in honor of our first anniversary. He phoned in the order to the florist who was obviously not paying very close attention. The card reads: "Thank you for the best year of my life so far. Happy Anniversary! Love, David". My husband's name is not David.

Fast forward to this past summer, 2011 - I check out David Foster Wallace's A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again from the library. I barely make it past the essay about tennis and math when the Chief Lou commandeers it and reads the whole thing, excerpting the highlights for me. An especially salient essay for him is David F.W.'s take on David Lynch's Blue Velvet. The Chief Lou casually comments on it and says he's never seen the movie, have I? I tell him I have, but that I barely remember it. Seems like it was pretty strange and maybe I was too young to have understood it fully when I watched it but that any mention of the words blue and velvet together gives me a bit of a chill, but I can't remember why.

Friday, January 13th, 2012 - Snuggled down with the Chief Lou on the couch and he produces his movie selection for the evening: Blue Velvet. Have you seen this movie?! Did it creep you out as much as it did me?! Why is Isabella Rossellini's wig exactly the same as her hair?! What is the thing on the couch in the background at the Quantum Leap dude's apartment? Why is the dude from Quantum Leap even in this movie? What kind of acting mojo enables Dennis Hopper to make an oxygen tank scary?! Why the long face, Laura Dern? And why does anyone listen to a word that Kyle MacLachlan says when he's got his shirt buttoned all the way to the top, which is clearly the universal cinematic symbol for "crazy train"?! And why is the happy-feel-good ending the absolute creepiest part of the whole movie?

And most importantly, why have all of these Davids colluded against me all these years? I'm beginning to get a little nervous. What did I ever do to the Davids?!

24 comments:

  1. I looked for a couple of years and couldn't find them. What was I searching for? Blue velvet curtains for my living room. So, of course I smiled at that part. And, of your ability to pull out a theme and traipse around through and about it in such a lovely fashion.

    I wonder, where will the next David show up?

    ~ Red Dirt Kelly
    http://www.reddirtchronicles.com/

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    1. Thank you for appreciating my nonsense. I still have my blue velvet curtains, but they are in the kids' room now because they block out the sun in the mornings quite nicely.

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  2. Uhm.
    That's a little bit freaky. Just a little.
    I don't like Davids much. Everyone of them I've met have scared me. (I should probably not write this because according to superstition, if you rant on about the type of guy you dislike and would never marry. That's the one you will. And apparently, Davids have a things for superstition. I'm going to just leave now...)

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    1. OK, now you're just freaking me out. ;) Also, I will slip into my "mom hat" and ask you to please not watch "Blue Velvet" on my recommendation. You seem like a nice, level-headed sort of person for your age and I just don't want to contribute to the delinquency of a minor.

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  3. I watched a series on movie directors and I was really impressed by David Lynch's approach to dealing with the creative process. I have not seen all of his movies though, so I am not an expert on him.

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    1. David Lynch is nothing if not a creative man.

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  4. I have not seen the movie; scary movies scare me. On the bright side, no pun intended, my favorite color is red.

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    1. It's not scary like a horror movie. It's more creepy or disturbing. Baffling in spots and oddly fascinating. I like red, too.

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  5. This might be an issue best worked out by lying down on a couch...say a blue velvet couch? Never seen the movie, but my curiosity is piqued!

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    1. Don't say I didn't warn you, funny lady. I used to just pine for a blue velvet button back couch like my grandmother had. I've thought better of that since.

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  6. I loved Twin Peaks, but never saw Blue Velvet. Now, I'm pretty sure I don't want to.

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    1. If you liked Twin Peaks, you might like it. It's that same demented sort of film-making.

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  7. I have an aversion tp scary movies, and I have more of a thing for blue suede... shoes. I have uncles and a cousin named David and a brother-in-law, Dave. And we just finished the David bible study... So sorry, all my David's are good. What a great way to tie everything together. Loved reading every bit of it!

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    1. I'm glad you have good Davids. I also have a thing for blue suede shoes. "Blue Velvet" isn't scary, exactly. Not like a horror movie. It's not the most wholesome entertainment, though. I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with David in the Bible.

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    2. Yeah, he was kind of awful so many times in his life. Really awful. But he was also a man after God's own heart, which gives me so much hope and peace when I know I have royally screwed something up.

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  8. Davids scare me. They have led to trouble for me - led me into trouble? Blue is my favorite color (as in the ocean and sky - but not blue velvet).

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    1. Isn't it strange how we develop these name aversions? I'm about 50/50 with Davids. The next one could tip it all the wrong way.

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  9. You may or may not appreciate that I, in honor of our Dennis Hopper tribute movie night, managed to craft perfect severed-ear cookies. I blogged about it. Seriously.

    Also? I'm still impatiently waiting for Tainted Love to get played.

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    1. I appreciate that greatly. Dennis Hopper is so on my list. I may guff about it, but I do adore a well-played psychopath.

      Re: Tainted Love: Click the link, baby. Original music video. Nothing but the finest for my readers.

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  10. The Davids may be conspiring against me too. You might find this comical, but until VERY recently, the Suzannes were also conspiring against me. No Suzanne had ever been nice to me and was never worth befriending. Until recently.

    Just saying.

    My word? dramp Maybe Suzannes are conspiring against me because the Suzanne I knew in high school turned out to be a dramp and cheated on me with my boyfriend. Or, he cheated on me with her. Regardless, there was cheating and her name was Suzanne. Dramp.

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    1. They should have their names revoked for misusing it so. Oh, wait. I hope I wasn't the Suzanne that you knew in high school. Not that I ever did that or anything.

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  11. I've never seen the movie, but I have frequently seen my brain make these sorts of connections (David after David after David). Glad to know I'm not alone.

    Laura Dern does have a freakishly long face. Dennis Hopper could make just about anything terrifying, I'm pretty sure. Similarly, Kyle MacLachlan seems to bring a certain sleazy creepiness to even the most benign of roles. And I know every time I see Dean Stockwell walk into a scene, I think, "Now, you know it's a great movie." Now that I know he's in this movie, I may have to check it out.

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    1. You get 173 bonus points for picking up on the Laura Dern thing. Why is it that I love Dennis Hopper but Kyle MacLachlan gives me the heebies? And if you're a Dean Stockwell fan, then you absolutely must see this because he is brilliant in it. When I was younger I first saw him (regrettably) in Quantum Leap and used to wonder how he made it into the movies he did. Now that I am much older and wiser (heh) I wonder what on earth he was doing in Quantum Leap. I also wonder if I am the only person who has watched more than one episode of that show?
      Yes, you should probably check it out. And then read DFW's essay about it. And then take some of that vacation time you have stocked up to unbend your mind afterward.

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