Friday, January 13, 2012

They Call It Mello Yello

There seems to be some sort of brouhaha surrounding Dr Pepper right now. From the various Facebook status updates I have seen, I have been able to piece together that it may have something to do with whether or not there is a period after the "Dr" in the name, a city in Ireland, and throwing Snapple bottles like Molotov cocktails. This is baffling news to me and if someone would like to synthesize it for me and leave it in a comment, I'd be much obliged.

Meanwhile, I will tell you two stories about my blatant hypocrisy.

Blatant Hypocrisy #1:
The only beverages of which I imbibe are of the one pronounceable ingredient variety. Namely: water, coffee, and milk and the occasional glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. When I was at a very impressionable age, someone told me a story about his ex-girlfriend's father who was a very large man. He switched from Coke to Diet Coke and lost about 40 pounds without making any other changes to his lifestyle. I found this particularly horrifying because I hate Diet Coke. I'm not a calorie counter at all, but perhaps because I'm not, I prefer not to fill up with beverages that have the calorie and carb content of an entire meal.

But then there is Mello Yello. Oh, Mello Yello, with your intentionally misspelled branding, your retro can and your nuclear waste greenish yellow (yello?) manufactured citrusy goodness. What better to wash down a giant helping of chips and queso than a bubbling river of sugary toxic delight? I could make all kinds of excuses and say it's only infrequently and usually only one can split between the Chief Lou and myself. I could be all defensive and say I never give it to my kids. But that only serves to further accentuate my hypocrisy. So instead I will just own it and say nanny nanny boo boo. What one of us doesn't occasionally indulge in something wholly disgusting, but thoroughly delightful?

What makes this particular beverage all the more fun is that in our house, one must say "Mella Yella" in an East Texas drawl and bellow it, even mid-sentence at the dinner table, in a Foghorn Leghorn type voice. Why am I telling you this? Because it leads into my second blatant hypocrisy.

Blatant Hypocrisy #2:
I never pay any attention to the news. I especially have moral and spiritual issues with the sort of lampooning, gossipy tearing down of public figures. When Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen participated in their respective public downfalls, I hid anyone on Facebook who had a lot to say about it, I didn't find the jokes funny and I didn't want to hear it. How would you like it if your infidelity or mental breakdown was a punchline to millions of people? Call me crazy, but I don't think I would like that very much. Same goes for political gaffes - of which there are many. My natural state is to be critical and snarky and I work hard to be gracious to the real people in my life. I don't need to counteract that work by being critical and snarky about strangers who just happen to have the national attention. It's a personal choice and whatever, so's your face.

Having gotten all up on my self-righteous soap box, I will now come crashing bum over tea kettle down to say that the Chief Lou made me watch this video (reminds me of a reverse Garden of Eden: "It's this woman you made, Lord! She made me do it!") the first time, but maybe not the second through fifth times. Stupid YouTube and your stupid replay button. Alas, I will own it and I won't make excuses. It just tickled my funny bone. Without further ado, I give you.... Rick Perry.*

Even checking to make sure the video posted correctly has made me apoplectic. Someone with a lot of time on their hands and a delightfully absurd sense of humor has helped me combine two of my blatant hypocrisies. Forevermore, when either of us reaches for a Mello Yello, it is no longer the Foghorn Leghorn Mella Yella. No, that was fun while it lasted, but henceforth Mello Yello shall be known in our most presidential oratory voice as:

Hot yella Kool-aid!

If you're going to violate randomly held principles, you may as well have fun with it and wash down that crow with some hot yella Kool-aid.

*You must watch the video or this post makes even less sense than my usual nonsense. Pay close attention around 1:05.

22 comments:

  1. Okay, I guess sitting at my desk trying to appear as if I was working was not the best time to watch this youtube video. I tried hard not to laugh out loud, but . . . I failed.

    Thank you for that!

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    1. I should have included a disclaimer. It is impossible for me not to laugh out loud whenever I watch this.

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  2. There are so many of those soundbites, but Rick Perry is definitely the funniest one! 'So's yer face'...it would seem that S. Stauss is coming out of her shell-lol. I love it! I share your somewhat secret penchant for nasty, toxic drinks...about 3 times a year, I indulge in some fine Sunny-D. Shhhhh...

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    1. I realized after I published this that probably everyone else on the planet saw it weeks before I did, but it's just so funny...
      Sunny-D definitely falls in that category. So good, and so good for you!

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  3. good job. Thanks for sharing. I'm smiling from ear to ear!

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    1. Then I've done my job. Or the video has.

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  4. Hard times; I am "missing plug-in" so no video. However, what grabbed me was your defense of Charlie Sheen, a guy I know nothing about except that he starred in the scariest movie I have ever seen in my life: "Platoon." Since I don't do real "scary" movies, I settle for the kind that really happened. Shiver. I heard a lot of people criticize poor Charlie, and nobody sticking up for him. Bravo for the underdog, and I'm not just saying that because the Niners are underdogs to the Saints tomorrow.

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    1. Hard times, indeed. Get thee to a plug-in! "Platoon" is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, too. I checked it and a whole bunch of other militarily themed movies out when my boyfriend at the time left for Marine boot camp. Big mistake. (So was the boyfriend, incidentally.) I'm a fan of the underdog, but mostly I try to see everyone as human - even (or especially) the most inhuman seeming ones.

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    2. Platoon was one of the scariest movies I've ever seen in my life, too. I saw it when I was 18 and it was a revelation to me. My father served in Vietnam and never really talked about what he'd been through (which I think is pretty common). I actually left the theater at the end of the movie and sat out in my car hyperventilating for a few minutes. As soon as I got home, I called my dad, just to check on him.

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  5. Ok, I'm a Pepper, I'll admit it and most people who grew up in Hawaii hate Dr Pepper so I attribute my taste to my mother who grew up in Ohio where Dr Pepper is everywhere "pop" is sold. DP is their coke...

    Do I care about the period or lack thereof? Oh hell no, are people really debating that?

    I completely forgot about Mello Yellow and don't think I've seen it for awhile. Perhaps our Mello Yellow distribution has been replaced with Sierra Mist, Safeway's Grapefruit soda (which makes a nice shower signature drink mixed with oj) or passion orange guava juice...the siggy drink of Maui, aka POG.

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    1. OK, so Safeway's Grapefruit soda is another of my exceptions! That pretty pink can! ;) Funny you should mention POG, when I visited Hawaii eons ago (before everyone was drinking pomegranate everything) I vividly remember tasting that and thinking it was the nectar of the gods.

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  6. I'll see your Mello Yello, and raise you a Cheerwine. I also really, really want my family to have a catchphrase.

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    1. So, I had to Google Cheerwine and now I wish I hadn't because apparently you can get it delivered right to your doorstep. How did I miss that all the years I lived in the South?

      Re: the catchphrase. You could just start bellowing random things during dinner and see what sticks. That's generally how it's done here. I'll post about it sometime, but I'm just glad we're done with the "Sucka foo'!" phase.

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    2. I will occasionally say "I pity da foo" in my best Mr. T voice. Hubs just looks at me. I'll have to try Sucka foo and see if that one sticks.

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  7. I had to pause at virgin heifer. And save a pretzel for the gas jets. I wish I could actually say I don't laugh at public figures, but I do. Living in Texas, that's the only way to get through any political discussion lately.

    And, well, so's yer face.

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    1. Texas is a rough place to live, politically. Saaaave a pretzel for the gas jets!

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  8. HYSTERICAL! That's all I can say. HYYYYYYSTERICAL. Virgin heifer - never got a dead spirit - OMG - goats for the computer industry - bored by famine - That made me laugh big time --
    On to your hypocrisy - so, I, too, stay away from that which I cannot easily pronounce, favoring water, tea (iced and hot), and wine (and very occasionally orange juice). I will save my calories for homemade cookies or a lovely piece of dark chocolate. We've never kept copious amounts of soda around but it wasn't evil. The old guy and I simply decided that we didn't want to put our money into junk food and junk drink. The nice thing is that our kids grew up knowing the stuff existed and being allowed to sample from time to time (it wasn't forbidden fruit) but never growing fond of it either. NIce.
    You are kind to celebrities. I suspect I pay about as much attention to that stuff as you (if not even less). Clearly the media is out to make money off the gaffes and tragedies of others. I do tend to hold politicians to both a different standard and to different rules. If they say something stupid, I do want the world to know about it. It's part of determining leadership potential.

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    1. Glad you got a laugh out of it!
      I agree about the forbidden fruit thing. I think that's the quickest way to make something ultra-desirable when really it's no big deal.
      I agree with you to a point about holding political leaders to a higher standard. We need to know if someone is a moron before we elect them, but there's a line between just taking things out of context to make them look bad and exposing true ignorance.

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  9. The Dr. Pepper news is actually really sad. I live about an hour and a half from the oldest Dr. Pepper bottling plant still in existence (1891). It's in Dublin, TX and the plant is still open. When Dr. Pepper was first created, sugar cane was used as the sweetener. I don't know at what point "big" Dr. Pepper changed the sweetener but this plant has continued using sugar cane. And thus labeled their Dr. Pepper product 'Dublin Dr. Pepper.' Even when it became cheaper to use corn sweeteners, the owner wouldn't budge. If you've never had a Dublin Dr. Pepper, it has such a different taste than what you can get in a can. Just a few days ago, after a lengthy law suit ("Big" Dr. Pepper sued the Dublin plant for supposedly violating some mile-radius rule as far as marketing their product outside of Dublin, TX), "Big" Dr. Pepper took over all rights to bottle their own product. This question is posted on their website: Why is Dr Pepper no longer bottled in Dublin?
    Dublin Bottling Works and Dr Pepper Snapple Group reached an agreement in January 2012 that transferred the bottling and distribution rights for Dr Pepper products to Dr Pepper Snapple Group. The same Dr Pepper made with pure cane sugar is still available for sale in Dublin, although Dublin Bottling Works no longer bottles Dr Pepper products. I hope that clears up your Dr. Pepper questions. :)

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    1. Thank you. That is a sad story. I am not very business-minded, so I am always baffled by these kinds of stories. For instance, why does the Snapple Group need to take over this plant, too? Do they not have enough money as it is?

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  10. My daughter's boyfriend posted that video on his Facebook page last fall. I wept. It is hilarious and SOOOOOOO perfect. The Bad Lip-Reading team has others, but this is the best of the ones I've made it through. We all still occasionally say "hot yella Kool-Aid" in that accent to each other and we all still crack up.

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    1. I know I'm a little late to the game, but it's just too funny. I'm glad we are not the only ones hollering random bits of pop culture to each other.

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