A huge thanks to Jewels from Frazzled and Frumpy for today's guest post. She's way cooler than she lets on and a mighty fine writer. She's been an agent of encouragement and inspiration to me since almost the very beginning of this blog.
I wonder if my kids wish I were cooler. You know, more like the moms they see on TV. The ones who are doctors saving lives, or CIA agents living a double life. Yeah, that would be cool. If their friends asked what I do , they’d probably avoid the question. ("I don't know. She blogs or something.")
But, if I were an agent, my kids would be proud. Agent Mom.
I could pick them up from school in my black Camaro, hiding behind awesome sunglasses so no one would recognize me. I’d wear all the ‘hip’ clothes, and I’m sure I’d never say ‘hip’. There would probably be a gun tucked in my jeans and my cell phone would double as an emergency transponder of some sort. Sometimes, I would have to disappear in the middle of the night to jet off to a top-secret location. But, I would always bring them souvenirs, like a t-shirt that said, “My mom went to Yemen and all she brought me was this lousy t-shirt.”
Instead, they’re stuck with me. Boring mom. I drive my old car that’s littered with Wal-Mart receipts and diet Coke bottles. My cell phone is just a phone and I don’t even know how to use all the features on it. The only thing tucked into my jeans is my shirt--and that’s on the days I’m not wearing sweats. I use words like ‘hip’ and don’t understand their text language. So uncool.
Maybe I should make them watch the shows I did. I could definitely measure up to Carol Brady or Mrs. Partridge. Carol had a station wagon and the Partridge mom drove that psychedelic bus. Plus, my clothes are much more stylish than theirs- polyester pantsuits? Seriously. I can feel my kids shudder. And, I’m pretty sure neither of them even had a cell phone.
Yes, I’ve got it all over the moms of the 70’s. Who’s hip now?
(A big thanks to Tangledlou for letting me guest post on her blog. I'm honored, because, in the words of Annie Wilkes, "I'm your biggest fan.")
I don't know, Jewels - - Mrs. Brady had that awesome mullet hairstyle. That's kind of hard to compete with.
ReplyDeleteJust last week, one of them said, "Mom, what you're missing is a mullet."
DeleteI have a feeling they would never trade ...
ReplyDeleteDon't ask the 8 year-old. He's often in the market for a new mom, but not so much because I'm uncool.
DeleteMy daughter told her teacher I work at Starbucks. Because I'm there. All the time. "Working".
ReplyDeleteAhaha! Classic. I love this.
DeleteWith that thinking, I guess I work at Wal-Mart. Blech.
DeleteJewels. I've got to say, this post makes you cooler than any of those other moms out there. You're aware of what you're not, and you seem pretty comfortable with what you are, otherwise you WOULD drop all this other stuff to become something else. But your kids and your family are more important to you thank beaming over to Yemen. In my mind, that's the definition of "cool."
ReplyDeleteDoes going out in public in sweats mean I'm comfortable or just lazy?
DeleteI do love my family more than any glamour I might find. (I did work for the CIA once and it wasn't glamorous. Neither were the people who worked there. I never saw one that looked like Chris Pine or Angelina Jolie.)
This really made me giggle. Especially loved the Yemen t-shirt and the Diet Coke bottles in the car. (I just brought SEVEN empty Diet Dr. Pepper bottles in with me when I got home from work tonight and there are probably a few more in there. It's from quite a period of time, but still... It was a little less humiliating after hearing about your Diet Coke bottles.)
ReplyDeleteWhat's even sadder is when I find a half-full bottle and get upset that I didn't finish it.
DeleteOh, I do that too--especially when I'm running low on full bottles at the moment.
DeleteI dunno. I'm a CIA agent and my kids lie and tell people I'm a blogger. Kids, you can never win!
ReplyDeleteIt's a losing battle, for sure.
DeleteAhhhh...but even if you were a secret agent, by the time your oldest was a teenager, they would still be embarrassed by you and start idolizing "regular, NORMAL" mothers who go to Wal-Mart. It is a no-win situation. I just try always to remember that, actually, they are total posers and have no idea yet what is cool–says the woman who as an eighth grader idolized Bret Michaels.;)
ReplyDeleteOne of my greatest compliments came when my daughter's friend told me I was cool. I'm pretty sure my daughter just rolled her eyes.
DeleteYep - I'm with Tara. It wouldn't matter what you were you'd still be their mum - a total dag and a dick (which is what I am to my kids now too).
ReplyDeleteOh for those carefree heady days of idolizing their elders - before they realized they could live without us.
Yeah, until they need money or a ride somewhere.
DeleteAin't that the truth!
Delete