This is a multimedia presentation. Please play this song in the background while you read.
I am not exactly clumsy, sometimes I just do random bits of inadvertent violence to my body.
Yesterday when I picked the monkeys up from school, I was looking at a tree and opened the car door - full force - directly into my face.
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| Just imagine a car door and the tree and a loud, squishy "ka-thonk" noise. |
This is not the first time I have done this. I did not cry or swear or scream. I just checked for blood and then told the monkeys to fasten their seat belts.
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| Note the points of impact. |
I was not dripping blood and I did not break my glasses, which protected my eye from being unceremoniously removed with the corner of the door.
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| (That is not my mustache) It would have taken forever to replace my glasses and then I would have had to wear my sunglasses around all the time. |
Which, now that I think about it, would have its advantages.
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| Behold the awesomeness of prescription sunglasses. That is not my mustache. It is a trick of the light. IT IS A SHADOW, I TELL YOU! |
So, my face hurts to smile today and I may end up with a few more distinguishing characteristics on my mug when all is said and done. I had to practice laughing with a limp face last night (try it, try it now) and that made me laugh even harder. I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of purpose and euphoric relief to be alive after my eye-wear's brush with untimely death. I have recommitted to appreciating the small, yet important things in life.
I still have my rugged good looks:
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| Do not be jealous. Shaun Cassidy hair just comes naturally to some folks. |
I've got my sanity. A positive attitude can go a long way. It is important to get all of your chins and a thumb involved, if possible.
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| This is what winning looks like: grinning maniacally at your YouCam because you can, even though it hurts your broken face like nobody's business. |
And this guy. He just keeps turning up as I'm trying to write this post, so I'll let him stay.
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| "I smile coyly at you, Earthlings. Love me. Accept me. Make me your leader." |
Thursday, November 1st is Mindful Writing Day. Mark your calendars. It is to celebrate the launch of A Blackbird Sings, an anthology of small stones that are all about magnifying and celebrating the little things in life... even when they are completely absurd.
Uhm. Ow. Crappy thing is that we all have done something clumsy like that. It'll teach you not to look at trees again, though.
ReplyDeleteSadly, it won't really.
DeleteI recognize that alien dude!! He's the one who sucked my brains out the other day!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say: "If you have to have your brains sucked out by an alien, make it a sexy alien."
DeleteDoh. It is usally my legs that get the beating from car doors and my glasses are very thankful!
ReplyDeleteMy legs don't even notice anymore. Poor things.
DeleteAs long as your face doesn't end up being the same ;-)
DeletePS Reader Appreciation award is yours, enjoy!
http://sleepyjoes.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/reader-appreciation.html?showComment=1350764133427
*snort* I've done this. Several times. I've also attempted to look out my car window without realizing it was closed and whacked my face on the inside of the window. My window regularly has smudge marks to prove this. I ain't proud.
ReplyDeleteOh man! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does that. It's like how birds run into windows and die.
DeleteI've kept my clumsy to just tripping and falling, but I could easily see this exact thing happening to me. I'm going to be extra careful for the next few days!
ReplyDeleteLove the Shaun Cassidy hair! If you've got it, rock it!
Thank you for the hair validation, Michelle. My hair and I are in a transitional phase right now. We'll work through it somehow.
DeleteOh we get to see you! :)
ReplyDeleteAt least you don't perform bits of inadvertent violence to others too. Like the time I closed the car door on my mother's finger. Yes. I'm a horrible person. I should be locked away. Excuse me while I go whimper in a corner now.
I'd you are bad for that then I am worse, I am the mother that ignores my child's broken finger and tells them to get on with it ;-) oh and frequently bangs their heads getting them into the car (please don't think bad of me, I never mean to)
DeleteI once had a toy fight with my cousin resulting in me smashing my head off a brick wall...2 days later I was vomitting, my head hurt really badly, I was very sleepy, I couldn't stand.
DeleteMy folks took me to the hospital - concussion! I was admitted for treatment and they were told off for letting me sleep. BUT it was such an innocuous incident, I can't blame them for thinking it was just a bump!
These are all terrible things. Sleepy - I used to bang my kids' heads all the time getting them into the car. Now they are big enough to bang their own.
DeleteLoki-Lou - thanks for stopping by! My mom did the same thing with my brother when he was a kid. She still feels guilty about it.
Larissa - I sometimes do inadvertent violence to others, too. Not as often as to myself, but they forgive me for it. They know.
So many reasons I loved this. I'm a visual person, so immediately I went, "Ooo!" before I even realized my lips had made a circle. Heh. And then I loved the multimedia. I loved the lol-captions. I loved that we got to see you, and that you have three little silver hoops in your left ear. I loved that you don't have a mustache. And the sunglasses pic. And all your running thoughts of how it happened, what came next...Oh, my. I gush. I need to stop, but oh how fun. Thanks ^^
ReplyDeleteI love that you picked up on the silver hoops. I noticed them in the picture (even though I have been wearing them for about 20 years) and thought "Well hey! Look at those!" I have three in my left and two in my right because my friend and I couldn't afford to get both of our ears pierced so we pooled our money and split the set. Sometimes I think of evening them all up, but then I think I like the lopsidedness.
DeleteOh my stars, it is good to see your face!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, I see my face all the time, so I forget that other people don't necessarily. That's a really strange thing to think about.
DeleteI can identify with this one a little too closely to love it. ;)
ReplyDeleteA couple of years ago, I was at work and distractedly swung the car door open and leaned down to get in without realizing the door had bounced back just enough for the top corner to be lined up with my upper lip. Much bleeding commenced. I was more shamed than in pain--and had to walk across the dining room at lunch time in front of seventeen guys and assorted staff while cupping a growing pool of blood in my hand. When a coworker recommended I write up an incident report, I said, "What am I supposed to write on it? 'I was an idiot?' That's not an incident; that's a chronic condition."
Still, the coworker's logic prevailed especially when she said, "What if it becomes infected and your face falls off?"
PS--I've got the not-a-moustache shadow too. As Daughter-Only was fond of saying for a while (but has mostly recovered from): WTF-and-a-half?