Giving Thanks

Here are a few things I am thankful for nearly every day. In no particular order...

1. My best friend and husband. He's the best thing that ever happened to me and he happens to me over and over again every day.

2. My intellectual fairy princess and my sweet & tender hooligan. They are two marvelous little people who tumbled into my life at their own special times and places and brought magic.

3. My family, both by blood and by marriage. We're a big, crazy, raggedy group of people that make a mosaic of fun and love and support that I wouldn't trade for anyone else's.

4. Health and youth and freakish good looks.

5. Clay. Also permanent markers, shiny surfaces, coffee mugs, writing tablets.

6. $1 Sausage McMuffins

7. Electricity and washing machines and KitchenAid mixers and reliable city transportation and all the modern conveniences that make my life a little bit easier.

8. Relationships and challenges and fears and insecurities and all the things that make my life a little bit harder and force me to grow.

9. Sea breezes and rainy days.

10. When the sun peeks through rain clouds like a smile through tears.

11. Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

12. My wood stove and good, seasoned fire wood.

13. The sounds of trains and foghorns in the night.

14. Good music.

15. Good food.

16. Dancing.

17. Laughter.

18. People who say remarkably nice things to total strangers. Case in point: this amazing blogging community I've discovered this month.

19. My dad and Mr. Roy and my Grandma Edna & Papa Bill, Mr. Bud - the people I've lost in the last few years who left so much with me, showed me how to live in this world with goodness and light and how to make an exit with dignity and grace.

20. My faith and the faith of so many who surround me. 

21. The people in my life who are shouldering extra heavy burdens right now with high spirits and aplomb. You are champions.

22. The fact that on a clear day I can stand on my street and see snow-capped mountains in the distance.

23. The tiny maple tree in my front yard that heralds the seasons with brilliance.

24. People who don't complain. The ones that quietly go about their business and make this place more pleasant.

25. The talent of my friends. I am awed by the number of extremely talented friends I have and in so many different ways. They all make the world more beautiful with their work, be it writing, drawing, painting, tattooing, teaching, cooking, surviving, acting, dancing, running, photographing, knitting, raising kidlets, singing, selling, story-telling, physics, on and on. So many talented friends...

26. Sparkle.

27. A high pain threshold - both physical and emotional.

28. People who love my children and think they're great.

29. People who think I'm great (or at least pretend to when I'm around).

30. This blog in which I spill my brain fumes every day and people actually read it. And like it.

31. Late night conversation, stifling giggles so as not to wake the kids.

32. Honesty. My own and that of others.

33. My lovely red silk hat. And my gray wool cloche. And my rainbow crochet beanie. Well, just hats. Fabulous hats.

34. People who buy fabulous clothes and shoes and then discard them in abundance at Goodwill. Especially if they are exactly my size.

35. Sidewalks.

36. Walks to school.

37. This amazing city where we were blessed enough to have finally landed 5 and half years ago.

38. People who disagree with me.

39. Little girls in loud clothing.

40. Rare quiet moments.

41. Really good socks.

42. Teachers 

43. Spontaneous and genuine displays of affection.

44. Hummingbirds in my front porch geraniums.

45. Online recipes and knitting patterns.

46. Excellent public library.

47. Good people who raise nice kids to be more good people.

48. The kindness of strangers.

49. My little crooked house in a great neighborhood.

50. The wisdom of other people that they are willing to share.

51. Finding just the right word to describe something.

52. Hand sanitizer.

53. Clean drinking water.

54. Little love notes written with misspelled words and backwards letters.

55. Delightful absurdities that make me laugh to myself.

56. The moment between breaths when you try to decide if you are done laughing.

57. Inside jokes that have run their course but are still funny.

58. Knitting. Definitely knitting. The quiet contemplation and the magic of tying knots in yarn with sticks to create beautiful things.

59. Dirty socks, trains and tracks, tiaras, books, crayons paper, footprints, hand prints and other evidence that my home is alive and active.

60. Living in a time and place where I am free to be who I want, believe what I want and do what I want.

61. Having the ability and means to help people who need it.

62. Books. Good books.

63. Trees of all descriptions. 

64. Craigslist.com

65. Recycling and compost bins.

66. Living within walking distance of an office supply store.

67. Little tiny snores and monkeys holding hands in their sleep.

68. The women in my life who show me strength and femininity are not mutually exclusive.

69. When the Chief Lou saves up something to tell me at the end of the day because he knows it will make me laugh.

70. People who appreciate gifts and accept compliments.

71. Good, fresh produce.

72. Imagination and a rich interior life.

73. Surprise notes and comments and emails that say just the thing I needed to hear today.

74. Exuberance.

75. Days set aside for cooking and sharing and eating with family and friends. We should have more thanksgivings. 

Helpful Holiday Tips

Thanks a lot, Norman. No really, thanks.

It is upon us. That most magical time of year when we all take part in those time honored American traditions of overeating, overspending, and over-stressing. Where we all feel a little bit guilty because our family gets on our nerves, and a little bit sad because it didn't measure up to the idyllic expectations, and a little bit jealous because other people's probably did. Yes, it's that time of peace and joy where we wait in line to park so that we can wait in lines in stores. Where we watch with gleeful anticipation to see what toy will bring irate shoppers to blows this year. Oh yes. The holiday season is upon us.

Since I am "just a housewife", I have compiled the requisite list of helpful tips to get you through the holiday season without breaking a nail. I've even divided them out into helpful categories for you. Look out, Gwyneth!¹ You're about to get a run for your money.

Cleaning and Organizing:
You're about to get an onslaught of friends, relatives, new toys, reindeer and leftovers. What to do?

• Write important phone numbers, shoe sizes, and shopping lists on the backs of old receipts and shove them in the bottom of your purse. You will have them all there when you need them and for years to come. Only throw out receipts that might be useful for warranty information or returning unwanted items.
• Store clean clothes in the dryer. This serves the dual purpose of keeping things tidy as well as helping small children learn to confront their fears of dark, dank places by forcing them to retrieve their own socks from the laundry room.
• Place dirty dishes on the back porch overnight. The raccoons and possums will get a holiday meal, you'll have less scrubbing to do. It's win-win.
• Speaking of small children, enlist them in helping clean up. Turn cleaning into a game! Here are a few suggestions:
• Start the vacuum cleaner while they're watching cartoons. Holler: "What ever is not picked up by the time I count to 20 will be sucked up the vacuum cleaner!" Watch how fast they scramble to cram things places to get them off the floor.²
• Institute "Colonial Day" at your house.³ It's a fun game for the whole family. Explain that in colonial times there was no electricity (so no TV, computer or video games), children were expected to do chores to earn their keep (diagrams and pictures may be helpful for this part), and children were to be seen and not heard and their toys were sticks and bits of lint and stuff.⁴ Ready... go! 
• "Betty Draper Day". Send the kids off to watch TV and raise themselves, hire a maid for less than a living wage, spend the rest of your time lounging on a chaise in a beautiful dress, chain smoking, and feeling put upon.⁵

Decorating and Entertaining:
Now that your house is clean, here are some simple time and money saving tips for getting it gussied up for the holidays and the inevitable get-togethers.

• Do an "Advent Tree" this year. On December 1st, set up a naked Christmas tree. Let the kids decorate it a little every day by flinging their dirty socks and underwear at it. It makes a charmingly personalized tree and it saves you having to pick those items up every day for at least 25 days.
• Make a paper chain garland out of unpaid bills. Gets rid of unwanted clutter and makes a cheap decoration. Bonus tip: the longer you let the bills go, the more colorful the envelopes get.
• By leaving pans to "soak" for a few days, you not only save the time and energy you would have spent scrubbing them, it also gives your home that cozy holiday fragrance of bacon. 
• Light only with candles when company comes. Among the many advantages: poor lighting masks unwanted dust or toilet rings, scented candles mask unwanted smells, candlelight masks your lack of electricity from making paper chains with unwanted bills.
• Instead of baking Christmas cookies, artfully display leftover Halloween candy on a platter in a festive design.
• Why waste all day roasting a turkey when you can get turkey pre-sliced in the Deli? For an extra-festive touch, cut the lunch meat into seasonal shapes with cookie cutters. Add American cheese slices for a hint of color.
• Make a political statement with your holiday party. Tell guests that you've decided the holidays represent corporate greed and imperialism, have them meet you at a local protest. Pros: you don't have to cook or clean, it would certainly be memorable. Cons: you may get tear-gassed, beaten or arrested.
• Deal with that one annoying relative with a 1st Thanksgiving re-enactment. Have them dress up in a turkey suit and run around the yard while everyone else tries to hit them with tranquilizer darts. (This may be done with more than one 'turkey' if your family is especially dysfunctional.)⁶

Gift Ideas:

Money's tight all around, so here are some gift giving ideas for a girl on a budget:

• Stop speaking to a random selection of people around mid-October. By the time Christmas rolls around, they won't be expecting anything.
• Save on postage for your Christmas cards: Keep the envelopes that Christmas cards addressed to you come in. Simply insert your card into the envelope, reseal it and mark the envelope "Return to Sender, Addressee Unknown" and drop it in the mail. This also solves that pesky problem of the unrequited Christmas card - the only people who get cards from you are the ones who sent you one first.
• Tell your close friends that you are hand-making their Christmas gifts and so they might be a bit late. This will not only get you off the hook until about mid-March, you get extra thoughtful points for handmade gifts.⁷
• Tell everyone you're "going green" this Christmas. Wrap random crap you find around the house in colorful Black Friday ads and give as "upcycled" gifts.⁸
• Make custom gourmet condiments for the food lovers on your list: Simply combine the tail ends of the old sauces and condiments you found in the back of your fridge in a jar. Bonus tip: pick the crust off the lip and scratch the label off of one of the old sauces you found and you have a jar for gifting!⁹
• Tear pictures of things you wanted to give people out of catalogs and magazines and make a "collage of dreams" to give them instead.
• Feign a serious illness or wreck your car. Then no one will expect anything from you.¹⁰

Or... we could all collectively take a deep breath and realize that while holidays are fun, they are just days like any other. The season for peace, joy, goodwill toward others should be every season. The day for giving thanks and counting blessings should be every day. The time for spending with family and friends should be whenever possible.


1. Gwyneth is the new Martha, don't you know?
2. I have never done this.
3. This was my daughter's idea. I am not kidding.
4. If you have uppity children, you may want to leave out the parts about not being able to vote and unfair taxation. That only leads to revolution.
5. This game requires a certain degree of income and blatant racism.
6. This may be illegal in some states.
7. I have never done this, either.
8. Nor this.
9. I really haven't ever done this. Ack!
10. I have done this. Make sure you have good insurance if you go this route.