Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I'm Always Up To Something

For a few weeks when I was three or four, I drove my mom insane trying to pee standing up. I still remember the contortions that took. I would straddle the toilet bowl as best I could with my pudgy little legs and let fly, swiveling my bottom to adjust the stream. It was a messy and frustrating endeavor. I was trying to be like my dad. Thankfully, I discovered pretty quickly that my biology prevented me from emulating him in this aspect. I'm sure my mother was relieved. I moved on to other pressing things, like lodging a button in my nasal cavity and encasing my right leg in purple bubble gum.

When we were first married, the Chief Lou and I were on our way to my parents' house for dinner one summer evening when I decided that I needed to apply some of the Carmex that had been sitting in the hot glove compartment of the car all day. That went pretty much like you'd expect it would. I opened the little jar and liquid, hot, camphor scented magma poured out all over me and the seat. Since it was a time before babies, we didn't have a stash of napkins anywhere in the car for random acts of nonsense. I rode the rest of the way trying not to touch anything while my new husband shook his head in disbelief that I didn't know that was going to happen. When we arrived at my folks' house, I scuttled into the bathroom to try and clean up the greasy mess and I heard my mom in the other room: "I should tell you, she's always doing something."

She's not wrong, either. It's another way I have emulated my dad all these years. He was a preacher and a missionary by vocation, but he wrote, sculpted, painted, gardened, made stained glass, did basic carpentry, baked homemade bread, trained bonsai trees, did graphic design, desktop publishing, plumbing, wiring, and really anything else that struck his fancy. His response to art galleries, craft fairs, home improvement shows, and life in general was "I can do that." And then he would set about with intensity and passion to see if he could. Most of the time he could and he would until everyone he knew had a loaf of artisan bread or a bust of themselves or their own crooked little tree. I have inherited this trait along with his smile and his excessively hairy legs. It is one way my biology hasn't prevented me from being like him, but it can still be a messy and frustrating endeavor.

I am always up to something. Right now I'm up to something, as a matter of fact. I have an idea that is still a bit nebulous, but will take form. It will require some audience participation. Because it's no fun to be up to something if you can't make a mess and involve as many people as possible, right?

I've written here a little bit about my first love - my dad. I will write a little bit more about other loves, too, in the days to come. I want to hear about your first loves. The ones that made your heart go pitter-pat, the ones that got away, the ones you're glad are gone, the ones that never made much sense to begin with. The heart is an unwieldy and willful thing. It baffles and confounds us with its choices. Let's hear about those choices your heart has made. Blog about it, send me an email, forward this to non-bloggers even. This is part one of the plan. Stay tuned for part two. Just be glad that this particular fancy of mine doesn't get pee on the floor.

41 comments:

  1. Well, TL, you're going to get a lot of response to this one! My first love - my only love - is my husband. We will be married 25 years in October. I knew before I ever met him formally that I would marry him. He says he knew the same thing. We were born to be together. And hopefully will be together forever . . . :)

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    1. Hi Judy! I hope you write more about this... sounds beautiful.

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    2. Wow! Im impressed! SO not my story but we are still happy after 29 years!

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    3. Judy, this is wonderful! This is just the sort of thing I'm looking for. I'm with Marie, I do hope you write more about it.

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  2. You always come up with the greatest challenges! My mind is churning.
    My sisters and I tried the peeing standing up thing. I still think we (women) were jipped- mostly when I have to use a porta-potty.

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    1. I'd rather a tree or a fire hydrant than a porta-potty. Or a bladder infection from holding it too long.

      I can't wait to see what your mind churns out!

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  3. Me me me, I love crazy schemes. Is there a deadline?

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    1. You you you! Yay! The deadline is like my belly. Not terribly firm.

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  4. Also, I rebelled once about sitting on the toilet the way they tell you to: back to the tank, feet in front. It made much more sense to sit the opposite way, wherein you could put your elbows on the top of the tank, have a place to rest your book closer to eye level, take notes, whatever.
    Every once in a while, when I get drunk, I still think it's a brilliant idea.

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    1. That's because it makes perfect sense.

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    2. I used to do this all the time as a kid. It makes so much more sense!

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  5. What a wandering, beautiful, loving path you took us on, AGAIN. Very excited for your new project, and I will definitely be participating!!

    By the way, perhaps most importantly, your Dad sounds like an incredibly vibrant human being. I would love to get to chat with him, as I am always glad to get to know you a little more.

    Also, we have a classic urinal in our downstairs bathroom. Once in a while we get lucky and a female guest gives it a try and tells us all about it. LOL!!!

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    1. I'm so glad you're going to participate, Marie! I can't wait to hear what you've got.

      My dad was an incredibly vibrant human being. I am very blessed I got to have him for my dad.

      And, you have a urinal in your house?! How cool is that?! If we ever came to visit, the Hooligan would hang out in there the whole time.

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    2. That urinal scares me a little bit, but now I want to try it and write about it, just because.

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  6. I was facing an empty post and all my thinking was being hindered by three barking dogs, but when I read your musings, I found inspiration! Like Judy, I know my husband and I were born to be together, and I always like writing about love.....

    Thank you!

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    1. So much sweetness. Heading over to check it out. You are always such a good sport about these ideas I get. Thanks, Michelle.

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  7. Ooh, so excited to hear these stories! A friend's son does his business on the toilet while standing (crouching) on the seat. There are weirder things:)

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    1. When we lived in China, most people did that on the "Western" toilets because they thought it was disgusting that you would actually sit on the toilet. When you think about it, it kind of is.

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  8. Uh-Oh. A couple of blushing instances come to mind ....

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    1. Oh, do share. Pretty please?

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    2. I tried?

      http://papaisapreacher.blogspot.ca/2012/05/i-could-but-i-cant.html

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  9. Two things: Growing up surrounded by brothers, I always thought they were so lucky - just whip it out no matter where you were..... LUCKY! There was also "the boys' bathroom" in our house that always smelled of urine. My parents let me use "the parents' bathroom".
    as for first loves ......hmmm.... it absolutely was not the mister -- oh no - was it John Cantwell in 6th grade? That was a crush.... so was Jim Kunath in 1ith grade ...... Maybe Dave in college? certainly I thought that was love..... now I think it was insecurity and amazement that anyone wanted to hang out with me..... Or Phil in college - that was SO not love - that was a man taking advantage of me. Stupid me. I had my share of them...... There was Ken who certainly loved me. I didnt know a good thing when I saw it. But moving on from him expanded my life enormously. I wish I had a more inspiring story for you. Let me think about it.

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    1. Love, love, love this. This is the stuff of life. The real path that a lot of people take: trial and error. I thought this was love, but it wasn't. It's messy and it's heartbreaking, but ultimately it's triumphant. I'm looking forward to reading more. ;)

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  10. I too suffer from dropping trou envy.

    First love? Easy. Mr. Knop - my 6th grade teacher. He was disheveled, unorganized, and brilliant. The model of my perfect man for years to come.

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    1. I like disheveled, unorganized and brilliant but shhh - I didn't marry one.

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    2. This is all just so fantastic. I want more, more!

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    3. Julie - your secret is safe.

      TangledLou - Mr. Knop loved those big dogs with the barrels around their necks. The ones that save stranded skiiers. St. Bernards? 'Tis all I got.

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  11. The one that got away...

    He loved me,
    I loved him not.
    He loved me,
    I loved him back.
    I loved him,
    He loved me not.

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  12. I will have to work on that this weekend. :)

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    1. You know I can't wait to see where this leads. Holding my breath. So excited!

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  13. I loved loved this. Your dad sounds amazing. So do you. I think my first love was Indiana Jones. Who can account for these things?

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    1. He was one of my first, too! What a hoot.
      My dad was amazing. He was kind of like Indiana Jones.

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  14. My first love? Johnny Depp. Wait, this seems to be a pattern.

    My first crush was Mike Meehan in 4th grade. He had red hair and freckles and though I'm sure he didn't know my name, I still trotted around the playground singing "My Boyfriend's Back" when he returned to school after a bout with the chicken pox.

    As for standing up: http://www.go-girl.com/

    I kind of wish I'd brought one to Europe on this trip.

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  15. My first love reads my blog and so does my husband. It could be really, really interesting, you know.

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    1. Ahem. Ditto. Well, I don't know if either *read* it, but they both have access to it. Eek.

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  16. I can work with this. Though there is a possibility that the results may fall into the "Be careful what you wish for" category in all sorts of ways. Did you have a time frame in mind?

    Pee Ess--Your peeing like Daddy story vaguely reminded me of the time at my grandmother's that my sister and I (we were six and seven at the time or maybe five and six) both had to pee at the same time and neither one would let the other go first so we shared the toilet. That's when you know sibling rivalry and competition has gone a little too far. Alas, that was not the farthest it ever went in that particular relationship.

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  17. Your description of your father's DIY reminded me so much of Acr0nym I sent it to him and said, "Are you sure you aren't Tangled Lou's dad?" It's one of the things I adore about him most.

    As for love, well...I feel like I talk about Andy all the time or much more than I should for someone who died. I don't know if I should write it up again or just point you to the most pertinent links.

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  18. I know the idea is to write something new, but there was a GBE topic some time back that covered this, so I'm just going to drop a link here if that's okay. (Or you know, even if it's not...)

    Clickety-click, please.

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  19. And here it is...Thanks for the inspiration! http://faithinambiguity.blogspot.com/2012/05/stranger-who-took-my-heart.html

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  20. I got there eventually, first love....16 years later only love.
    http://sleepyjoes.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/one-love-first-love.html

    Lust and fleeting infatuation, now that is a topic that could keep me going for quite some time ;-)

    I loved this post and think my mother thanks her lucky stars that the only thing I got up to was helping with the cooking!!

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